I really screwed up this time

First of all..location? Not really Drake, but Mars Cafe. I dunno the address and I'm too lazy to google it haha.

Anyway...I really hurt a close friend of mine with my last post. He's liked me for awhile and I kinda just flaunted it in his face that I have a boyfriend and it's not him Last night he told me to forget about him and he'll just fade away and be forgotten. UGH! I'm so torn. I don't know what to do. I like him, but only as a friend. And I REALLY hurt him bad. I always end up doing that..being the heartbreaker. I only think about myself and in the end I hurt everyone close to me..

Maybe I should not let people get close to me..that would def solve the problem..right? But then I would be lonely. FRICKING A!! I cannot win.

I love seamen!!

Boy issue has been solved (thank God, right?!). New boyfriend. Kinda a funny story because I've known him for a year or two. When I met him he was living in the town my dad grew up in. Small world..right? Anyway, he's a sweetheart and I'm SUPER EXCITED to see where this goes. Haven't started planning the wedding quite yet, but so far this relationship is way different then the rest, and I like it WAY more. Anywho..the whole "I love seamen" well you sea (misspelling completely intended)  he's a Seaman, like in the U.S. Navy. Like...who lives in a big ship under the sea (a submarine)??? MY NEW BOYFRIEND!! I mean we all KNOW I kinda have a soft spot for ACUs and well.. HOT DAMN  I would so hit that. Plus sailors def have the sexiest uniforms. You know..the white ones. uhhhhhhhhhh *cream pants* Anywho..besides the whole Navy thing..because there's WAY more to him than just that. I dunno. That whole thing is new because he was a civilian when we first started talking. He games..and I beat him...like..ONCE. *Sigh* Oh well, I can't beat 'em all, right? Annnd he's suuuuuuper nice. He cares about important stuff, like he made a speech..in front of Congress. YES, CONGRESS. Like OMFG I hate talking infront of class. Congress? HOW?! He amazes me. I dunno, I'm just SUPER happy and excited and *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!* I can't wait for this year to be over so I can be done with school..because then I get to move to wherever he goes next! I requested Hawaii..so we'll see how that goes =]

What goes down..stays down..

The last time I was honestly happy was a SUPER long time ago. Back in 2008-2009 when I played my xbox every night and ran with Praetoria Guard. But then things fell apart, and I realized all this happiness was based on a foundation of lies. Did I have friends? No. Was I pretty enough? No. Was I doing okay in school? Yes, but I wasn't taking the right classes. So...things have progressively fallen down hill from there. Am I still friendless? More than ever. Am I still not pretty enough? Yes, I'm even more fugly now. Am I doing okay in school? MEH. No idea, Chemistry is defintely kicking my ass though.

I kind of knew my real self back in my days of PG, and I actually liked her. She was the girly-girl gamer who was a mega-flirt, and toyed with all the boys on xbox. She was nice to everyone until they fucked her over. She kept up with her friends, and tried not to lose contact. The loser I knew in high school blossomed and the girl she became was pretty fricking rad.

Look at me now.. I'm a fat, ugly, friendless loser. I'm a bitch. The sparkle in my eye died. I'm back to being the girl that was lost in high school, and didn't know what to do with herself.

How did this happen?!!?!?  Better yet, how do I get back to being the real me??