What goes down..stays down..

The last time I was honestly happy was a SUPER long time ago. Back in 2008-2009 when I played my xbox every night and ran with Praetoria Guard. But then things fell apart, and I realized all this happiness was based on a foundation of lies. Did I have friends? No. Was I pretty enough? No. Was I doing okay in school? Yes, but I wasn't taking the right classes. So...things have progressively fallen down hill from there. Am I still friendless? More than ever. Am I still not pretty enough? Yes, I'm even more fugly now. Am I doing okay in school? MEH. No idea, Chemistry is defintely kicking my ass though.

I kind of knew my real self back in my days of PG, and I actually liked her. She was the girly-girl gamer who was a mega-flirt, and toyed with all the boys on xbox. She was nice to everyone until they fucked her over. She kept up with her friends, and tried not to lose contact. The loser I knew in high school blossomed and the girl she became was pretty fricking rad.

Look at me now.. I'm a fat, ugly, friendless loser. I'm a bitch. The sparkle in my eye died. I'm back to being the girl that was lost in high school, and didn't know what to do with herself.

How did this happen?!!?!?  Better yet, how do I get back to being the real me??