Thursday, June 16, 2011

My beds become so lonely, no arms or sheets to hold me

Title is from Hearts Burst into Fire by Bullet for My Valentine. Also good song!

Soooo I said I would blog about the whole evil men thing. Ahh men, love them, hate them, need them.
Problems with men:
1. Selective hearing -- they only want to hear what they want to hear. "Can you take out the trash?" is NOT a thing they ever hear. I'm sure they hear it, they just chose to ignore it.
2. One track mind -- if they are doing something don't try to make them multitask and have a conversation at the same time. It will not happen.
3. Fun comes over responsibility -- video games, NASCAR, football, (insert fun thing here) will always come before walking the dog.
4. Laundry hamper? What's that? -- Seriously, how hard is it to throw all your dirty clothes IN the hamper, not all over the floor?
5. Directions, instructions, etc? I don't need those, I'm a man!! -- as if. This is the TENTH time we've driven by this house. TURN ON THE GARMIN!!
6. Look at my BIG TRUCK, it's SOOO BIG AND MANLY!! -- we all know you have a little penis now, good job!

*sigh* I can't keep nitpicking. I suppose that's why I'm single. But seriously! My list of requirements for a longterm mate are not that bad. Really, they aren't. See here:
1. Good hygiene. Please shower, wash hair, and brush teeth daily. Clean clothes too.
2. Have a hobby! Spend time by yourself/with friends with said hobby. I need alone time sometimes.
2.5. Cling to me and you're out on your ass. I HATE needy people.
3. Be responsible! Take care of your stuff. I'm not mommy and I'm not cleaning up after your messes.
4. Video gaming. You have to do it. If you don't then you don't understand my obsession and you'll only judge me.
5. Nonjudgmental. All people are different, except it, let them be and move on. Example: NO HOMOPHOBES!!
6. No party animals. I mean, on the weekends it's okay. But eventually I'm going to get old and settle down and want 2.5 children, a dog, and a mortgage..like before I'm 30.
7. Must be able to fix stuff. Like the damn shower curtain that keeps falling!!
8. Must STAY on own side of bed. I hate being cuddled when sleeping. It gets hot. I HATE hot. Stay on your own damn side of the bed!
9. Must be atleast 5'11. I am not that short, and if I can wear high heels and be taller than you it's not happening.
10. NO FINGERNAIL BITING!!!! Just my hugest pet peeve.

THAT'S IT. Not a bad list at all. I suppose if you fit all these conditions you can inbox me on facebook or comment below ;)

SN: Brandon (my cousin) came over last night, fixed computer and shower curtain. And I made him corn on the cob & BLTs for dinner. That kid is awesome, and things are looking up.

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