Friendship is Magic

It's nearly one am and what am I doing still awake? Watching My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. <3

Why? Meh. I feel like it. Today's been torture..

tears

I've come to realize I've been the biggest bitch ever lately. Why? I have no idea..maybe because nothings going my way and I'm stressed out.

I'm behind on school work. I have two biology labs to make up. I have a lot of studying to do for biology because I'm super worried about the final comprehensive exam. I have possibly 4 lab reports to write for organic chemistry. I have a whole computer course to catch up on. Western Civilization seems to be the only class I'm not behind in. By the way..the term ends on Nov 15. Happy birthday Joella!

WARNING: THE NEXT SENTENCE IS TMI. I was freaking out for quite a while because after having sex for the first time in a year and a half, my period never came. Finally did come, thank God. I can NOT have a baby. They are expensive. They take patience. They take time. They take effort. All of these things are currently being put toward school and work.

Speaking of children, my mother never wanted children. She makes sure I know this by telling me quite often. Do you know what it feels like to be told your own mother never wants you? It fucking hurts. It's a stab in the heart every time. I LOVE my mother. I cried when my father died, not because he died, but because my mother was so distraught by his passing. I mourned for her loss, not my own. I love her, and she never wanted me. I once drunk dialed her and told her all this.. I remember the entire conversation. She must not think I remember, because she still, to this day, tells me she never wanted children.

I'm super irritable. Everyone is pissing me off. I have no idea why. A couple of weekends ago I went downtown to the bar with my cousin, her cousin, and her cousin's boyfriend. We were all drinking. I ended up being anti-social. My cousin was trying to get me to socialize with her cousin's boyfriend's friends. For some reason this was really annoying. You know how when people get drunk they get stupid? They were all stupid drunk and I was not. I was becoming increasingly furious. I got up, and went to the bathroom. Then I walked right past their table and left. I called my other cousin and had him and his friends pick me up. I never told my cousin I went out with that I was leaving. Never said a word to her. I was pissed off, and wanted to leave before I did anything to start a fight.

A couple of weeks later, said cousin went to see her cousin. On facebook they said something about my cousin moving to the same city as her cousin lives in. I was kind of pissed that this was brought up on facebook before it was brought up to the roommates. She's abandoning me again. The last time we had a place together, around a month before our lease was up it was decided she was moving away. Now the same thing is happening, but atleast with a little more time before our lease is up. I guess I can't really judge her because I'm moving too. But, it was already known I was moving out because I graduate IHCC in May with my AA/AS. I can't stay in Des Moines and go to school. It's expensive as fuck to go to Drake. So I would have to move to continue my schooling.

I can't lose the weight. I'm eating healthier. I exercise when I can. Not coming off. This fucking sucks. I hate this. HATE IT. I've always been the fat/ugly/stupid one, especially compared to the previously mentioned cousin. My grandmother would always tell me "Oh Kendra, if you would lose a few pounds your clothes would fit so much better," or "you know if you put some make-up on and fixed up your hair real nice you could be pretty. You know, do it like your cousin does" or "Kendra you should apply yourself and study harder. Then you could have good grades like your cousin." Really?? This shit from my own GRANDMOTHER?! You know Grandma, I am my own person. Maybe I don't fix my hair nice because it takes HOURS because I have fucking nigger hair. Maybe I don't wear make-up because foundation makes my face break out, and most mascaras make my eyes itch. Maybe I'm trying to lose the weight and it just won't come off. Maybe I don't study as much as her is because I can't concentrate on things. Do you know how many times I've gotten up and walked around while writing this blog? At least four times. I'm pretty sure I have ADD because I CAN NOT concentrate on ANYTHING.



*********************************************************************************

To my cousin -- I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you lately. You don't deserve it.

To my mother, and my grandma -- I don't think either of you know how much your comments hurt me.

Mistakes

I've fucked up. I knew I shouldn't have down what I did. I can't stand it and now I'm stuck for quite a long time. God damnit. I fucking hate people.

I lied...

Remember a few posts back when I said I was doing a lifestyle change. Well life caught up with me and it didn't go so well. So.. starting over again! Diet started yday but then I got drunk and ate one of my roomie's pizzas. OOPS!! I owe you one! So today is my diet restart. So far it's 3 pm and I've had a bowl of cereal. In a few hours I can eat again because I whitened my teeth. They were lookin PRETTY ROUGH. I also bleached my hair again. Good times. It needs rebleached though because it's still not blonde blonde. It's kinda that golden blonde ugly color. Yucky. Anyway. That is all.

So far behind!!

Life has ran me over.

I'm behind in school. I have a chem lab to write, a chem lab to makeup, a bio lab to makeup, a couple of tests to take in comp.

WHEN DO I HAVE TIME FOR THIS?! I'm always working or in class or ugh. I never sleep. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I forgot... my ex-fiance is getting married today. FUCKING LOSER

Sadpanda

I'm super lonely. Last night I came home from work, and as usual roommates were no where to be found. Whatever..I guess I'll play X-box AGAIN. *sigh* Whatever. And it doesn't help that I don't even have anyone to cuddle with when I go to bed. whatever. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

it's been a long time since i've came around

I don't really know what to say..things are..MEH at best. Life is boring. Mundane. Lame. I miss the ocean.

FUCK EVERYTHING

I am SO FUCKING PISSED AT EVERYTHING!!!!

I HAVE TO TAXI ETHAN AROUND.

I HAVE TO LEND ETHANS FRIEND MY ETHERNET CABLE.

I HAVE TO TAXI AROUND ETHANS FRIENDS.

DO THIS.

DO THAT.


IM SOOOOOO STUPID AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING ADORABLE!! NO ITS NOT SHUT UP BEFORE I SLICE UR FACE OFF.

GOD DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mehhhh

I was told I needed to blog more.

Nothing is happening.

Friend got married over the weekend. I got drunk.

Ethan stayed home "sick" so I couldnt play his xbox. DOUCHE!

I hate my computer class.

I'm fucking pissed.

It's been awhile...

Sorry interwebz..I have not seen you in FOREVER. I've been busy!! A lil update on yours truely...

1. I have moved. We got a 3 bedroom in the HOOOOOD.

2. I turned 23. DEAR GOD I AM OLD.

3. Fall term started. I am taking Biology, Organic Chemistry, some shitty ass computer class, and western civ.

4. Uhm..that's it so nevermind..

Other than that..life is boring. Mundane. Annoying. EXCEPT FOOTBALL!! Oh jesus..I almost forgot.. Ethy plays foozball naow. I LOVE MY BROHAM!! Anyway..that's it I guess.

Deuces bitches
<3

I really screwed up this time

First of all..location? Not really Drake, but Mars Cafe. I dunno the address and I'm too lazy to google it haha.

Anyway...I really hurt a close friend of mine with my last post. He's liked me for awhile and I kinda just flaunted it in his face that I have a boyfriend and it's not him Last night he told me to forget about him and he'll just fade away and be forgotten. UGH! I'm so torn. I don't know what to do. I like him, but only as a friend. And I REALLY hurt him bad. I always end up doing that..being the heartbreaker. I only think about myself and in the end I hurt everyone close to me..

Maybe I should not let people get close to me..that would def solve the problem..right? But then I would be lonely. FRICKING A!! I cannot win.

I love seamen!!

Boy issue has been solved (thank God, right?!). New boyfriend. Kinda a funny story because I've known him for a year or two. When I met him he was living in the town my dad grew up in. Small world..right? Anyway, he's a sweetheart and I'm SUPER EXCITED to see where this goes. Haven't started planning the wedding quite yet, but so far this relationship is way different then the rest, and I like it WAY more. Anywho..the whole "I love seamen" well you sea (misspelling completely intended)  he's a Seaman, like in the U.S. Navy. Like...who lives in a big ship under the sea (a submarine)??? MY NEW BOYFRIEND!! I mean we all KNOW I kinda have a soft spot for ACUs and well.. HOT DAMN  I would so hit that. Plus sailors def have the sexiest uniforms. You know..the white ones. uhhhhhhhhhh *cream pants* Anywho..besides the whole Navy thing..because there's WAY more to him than just that. I dunno. That whole thing is new because he was a civilian when we first started talking. He games..and I beat him...like..ONCE. *Sigh* Oh well, I can't beat 'em all, right? Annnd he's suuuuuuper nice. He cares about important stuff, like he made a speech..in front of Congress. YES, CONGRESS. Like OMFG I hate talking infront of class. Congress? HOW?! He amazes me. I dunno, I'm just SUPER happy and excited and *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!* I can't wait for this year to be over so I can be done with school..because then I get to move to wherever he goes next! I requested Hawaii..so we'll see how that goes =]

What goes down..stays down..

The last time I was honestly happy was a SUPER long time ago. Back in 2008-2009 when I played my xbox every night and ran with Praetoria Guard. But then things fell apart, and I realized all this happiness was based on a foundation of lies. Did I have friends? No. Was I pretty enough? No. Was I doing okay in school? Yes, but I wasn't taking the right classes. So...things have progressively fallen down hill from there. Am I still friendless? More than ever. Am I still not pretty enough? Yes, I'm even more fugly now. Am I doing okay in school? MEH. No idea, Chemistry is defintely kicking my ass though.

I kind of knew my real self back in my days of PG, and I actually liked her. She was the girly-girl gamer who was a mega-flirt, and toyed with all the boys on xbox. She was nice to everyone until they fucked her over. She kept up with her friends, and tried not to lose contact. The loser I knew in high school blossomed and the girl she became was pretty fricking rad.

Look at me now.. I'm a fat, ugly, friendless loser. I'm a bitch. The sparkle in my eye died. I'm back to being the girl that was lost in high school, and didn't know what to do with herself.

How did this happen?!!?!?  Better yet, how do I get back to being the real me??

I nostalgia'd soooo hard!!

So the past couple of days I've been hanging out with some friends from high school. Went to the pool, got drunk, had food, looked at old pictures. So much fun. I've forgotten how much I love them, and I missed them. I'm kinda sad to be going back to Des Moines tonight after court. I'll miss them again.

Brrrr it's cold in here!

Seriously.. 8 am and another exciting day of chemistry. Wait..it's not Wednesday. CORRECT!! Teacher decided to change classes to Tuesdays. So I opened up my schedule a little more at work, so HOPEFULLY I won't get all closing hours..that shit is getting kinda ridiculous. Anyway...this classroom is FUCKING COLD. I wish I would have remembered that before I only wore sandals. I should have worn real shoes, and a fucking hoodie. I almost put my hoodie on this morning, but then I remembered it's summer so I put on my cardigan..BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. GOD DAMNIT. Madface. Whatever. I wish this class would hurry the fuck up and be done bc I'm exhausted and I need to do laundry and take a LONG fucking nap.

I'm so excited!!

After Adam gets back in from taking the beast outside to potty, we're going to look at a house in Waukee. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David is teh awshumsauce aka I can't come up with an appropriate title

How come when I want just ONE..I either get ZERO or like TWO or THREE?? And how come those two or three are so difficult to chose between? HONESTLY! Can't there just be one that I'm assigned and stuck with forever? Because, not gunna lie, that would be kind of awesome. Because no matter what I pick someone will be upset over my decision. I absolutely can't stand hurting/upsetting people. Why can't I control myself better? Why can't I stop things before I get in the hole so deep that getting out clean is impossible? UGH!! FML

Anywho..most of you probably don't have a clue what I'm talking about..so just ask and if I trust you, I'll tell you.

I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling

Most women have been obsessed with getting married their ENTIRE lives, or else they haven't given one thought to it, and don't really care to. Of course, I being the oddball that I am, didn't really give a shit, ESPECIALLY not when I was engaged. So what am I doing at 3 am since I am currently single and there isn't a boy asking me to come back to bed with him? Planning my wedding, of course! HA. The past few months I've been buying bridal magazines and books, and reading wedding blogs and sites (Offbeat Bride is hands down, my absolute FAVORITE). So needless to say.. I've become obsessed.

Big question: WHY? Absolutely no idea. Maybe because I'm sick and tired of dating and I'm ready to be done with it. And how else do you stop dating? I guess you could just stop..but then everyone keeps asking you about "that special guy" and what are you supposed to tell them? Guys are assholes? You're turning lesbian? You're becoming a Buddhist monk? Honestly..I'm running out of excuses. Sooo how do you make it all just stop? Get married.

Another question: Why plan now when you don't even have a boyfriend? Well when I finally find "the one" (read as: the one who I can live with without trying to kill them or myself) I won't have to go through the stress of planning it all out. I'll already have it done. Then we can crank it out like wham bam, thank you ma'am and be done with it.

Anoooother question: Won't your future fiance want some say? Well if he can't fit into my plans then he's obviously not the one for me. There is always some room for discussion, but I have a general idea of what I want, and if he can't go with the flow and wants to control everything then he's definitely not for me. I like getting my way.

Anooooooooooother question: Do you even have a prospective BOYFRIEND? Meh...maybe one or two or..ten ;) OK NOT TEN

Last question: It's almost 4 am..shouldn't you be asleep? Why yes, yes I should.

Fireworks and Imploding Vaginas

First off..Happy 4th of July to all you American types. Also sorry I missed Canada Day to those of you from Canadaland. I'm going to my aunt's boyfriends with the roomie and the brother YAY!

Also my vagina decided it was time for the monthly implosion and I feel like SHIIIIIIIT. FML.

Anywho..not much to say.

Look at me now

Because it'll be the last time I honestly don't care about what goes in my mouth (minus those few drunken moments I'm bound to have), nor how many hours I spent staring at a screen all day. YAY =] Ethan came back to DSM with me. We picked up Brandon and went grocery shopping and shoe shopping (for Ethan, not me).

Tomorrow it all starts. The eating right, the working out. Ethan and I are going to work out at 11. He'll be missing a bunch of weight training sessions for football (yeah..he's playing football this year!), so I figured he could make up for them by working out..plus I kinda need a workout buddy. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to take him back to Fairfield. Anyone in Des Moines need a workout buddy? PICK ME =]

Anyway, I'm kinda super excited. By my 24th birthday I'm going to look fucking smoking hot. WOW! That was conceited... I mean..I'm going to be healthy! Yeahh.. I'm gunna make all those loser asshole guys that blew me off feel like shit.....

Wow enough with self-centered ranting!! Goshhh I dunno what my problem is today...Maybe I should go to bed.. goodnight!

Disgusting

I'm pretty disgusted with myself at the moment. I've gained 10 lbs since moving to Des Moines. YUCK. I've never been skinny, but oh my god I feel SUPER FAT. When I lived in Savannah I got down to my high school weight (HARD, since I gained a LOT when I was engaged and living with the ex-fiance.) I moved back to Iowa and got fat. YUCK. So when I get back to Des Moines this week (Wednesday) I'm going grocery shopping for healthy food. You know..celery..carrots..all that good stuff. And I'll start actually using my complex's gym, and work out. Hopefully in around a year I'll be down to my "you're this tall and supposed to weigh x-amount of pounds." I'm sick of being the fat ugly one, so I guess it's time I do something about it.

Looooove

So I've done a LOT of thinking about relationships and stuff over the past few days. Especially last night when a certain somebody did NOT let me go to sleep until around 7 am. I absolutely cannot be with somebody who doesn't have their shit together. I'm the scatterbrained one. I need someone stable and reliable. Two unstable people cannot have a normal relationship. I'm the insane one with the attention span of a goldfish. This became EXTREMELY apparent to me as I screamed on the phone in the wee hours of the morning because SOMEBODY decided to call me drunk and inform me that this weekend was the last weekend they were going to smoke pot. I'm sorry, but you're a fucking idiot. You need to stop smoking pot so you can have a job so you can support yourself and your son. Kind of weird how the spasstastic one is telling you how to live your life, but sorry that I know how the world works and you don't.

So to all the guys who keep flirting with me (I'm coding these into your gamertag's initials):

SS: Stop. Quit leading me on. You're a fucking tool and I want nothing to do with you anymore. I'm tired of being played.

BT: Stop telling me you love me. You don't even know me. I don't like you. You're a baby, and all you think about is sex. ANNOYING. Can you even have a conversation that doesn't revolve around sex?

F: Like I said, you need a job. You need to get your shit together. You need to stop doing illegal shit.

OX: I love you and I'm sorry we broke up. Also, you need to move here like YESTERDAY.

Oh and this one goes to the one guy who doesn't play xbox: You need to get your shit together. Sure you have a job, but you party way too much and I have a feeling you're just a player.

If you have any questions, or think one of the people mentioned above is you, but would like clarification, message me on FB. And if you don't have me on FB, you aren't them so it doesn't matter.

A LOT

I know I haven't blogged for a few days, but I've had a lot going on. School (LOTS of homework to do.) Laundry (I did all of mine, plus my mom's and brother's). Social issues (I don't know how else to word it.. some pretty horrible stuff's been going on with one of my brother's friends and it's stressing everyone out). Love (my love life is a mess and I've been thinking about it alot, and I thnk I have it all worked out). and last but not least work (I hate my job, and I'm completely burnt out on it.)

Needless to say I haven't been sleeping right. I slept 2 am - 6 am and 3 pm - 8 om on Wednesday. Now that it's Wed night/Thurs morning I can't sleep. Schedule is all messed up. FML.

But it's whatever. I've done a lot of thinking, and I've got a lot of stuff figured out, I think. I just have to stick to my guns!

Grape Powerade Zero

Great hangover cure. And as apparent by last night's facebook statuses I was HELLA DRUNK. Now it is Monday and I have homework to do before midnight. Down to only 8ish topics. Avogadros number? It's kinda HUGE. Anywho..after homework is done I'm heading to Fairf. YAY! Uhm...life has been super shitty. Work sucks. I don't know. Don't really feel like blogging much at the moment.

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

I drink. I smoke. I'm a bad kid. Sorry Mom, Grandma, whoever else even gives a shit.

So here I am, sitting on the balcony, by myself mind you, drinking vodka & bitch beer, and smoking cigs. Not Newports, I'm not that roodypoo. After that not so awesome day the other day, I thought things would start looking up. I mean..it can only get better, right? WRONG. Oh man was I wrong. Work today, don't get me started. Kids puking and pissing everywhere. Bitchy customers. Customers who can't speak English. UGH! Oh, and the night before I couldn't sleep because my roommate's gone and I'm freaking out being alone. WHY?! For god's sake I used to live by myself and not have human contact for days! Oh..I had xbox live. Anyway, I slept 7 am to 11 am, finished my chemistry homework and went to work.

BOYS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES. FB was going to hang with me thursday. Did not. SECOND AND FINAL TIME he will stand me up. Fucking roodypoo. So SW might hang with me sat night and leave sunday when I go to work. HA. We'll see. He's stood me up before too. Anyway, I don't know. I just want a companion. Someone I can talk to. Occasional cuddles would be nice too.

*sigh* I fucking give up. Back to the only men who won't let me down: Mike, Jose, Jack and the capn.

My beds become so lonely, no arms or sheets to hold me

Title is from Hearts Burst into Fire by Bullet for My Valentine. Also good song!

Soooo I said I would blog about the whole evil men thing. Ahh men, love them, hate them, need them.
Problems with men:
1. Selective hearing -- they only want to hear what they want to hear. "Can you take out the trash?" is NOT a thing they ever hear. I'm sure they hear it, they just chose to ignore it.
2. One track mind -- if they are doing something don't try to make them multitask and have a conversation at the same time. It will not happen.
3. Fun comes over responsibility -- video games, NASCAR, football, (insert fun thing here) will always come before walking the dog.
4. Laundry hamper? What's that? -- Seriously, how hard is it to throw all your dirty clothes IN the hamper, not all over the floor?
5. Directions, instructions, etc? I don't need those, I'm a man!! -- as if. This is the TENTH time we've driven by this house. TURN ON THE GARMIN!!
6. Look at my BIG TRUCK, it's SOOO BIG AND MANLY!! -- we all know you have a little penis now, good job!

*sigh* I can't keep nitpicking. I suppose that's why I'm single. But seriously! My list of requirements for a longterm mate are not that bad. Really, they aren't. See here:
1. Good hygiene. Please shower, wash hair, and brush teeth daily. Clean clothes too.
2. Have a hobby! Spend time by yourself/with friends with said hobby. I need alone time sometimes.
2.5. Cling to me and you're out on your ass. I HATE needy people.
3. Be responsible! Take care of your stuff. I'm not mommy and I'm not cleaning up after your messes.
4. Video gaming. You have to do it. If you don't then you don't understand my obsession and you'll only judge me.
5. Nonjudgmental. All people are different, except it, let them be and move on. Example: NO HOMOPHOBES!!
6. No party animals. I mean, on the weekends it's okay. But eventually I'm going to get old and settle down and want 2.5 children, a dog, and a mortgage..like before I'm 30.
7. Must be able to fix stuff. Like the damn shower curtain that keeps falling!!
8. Must STAY on own side of bed. I hate being cuddled when sleeping. It gets hot. I HATE hot. Stay on your own damn side of the bed!
9. Must be atleast 5'11. I am not that short, and if I can wear high heels and be taller than you it's not happening.
10. NO FINGERNAIL BITING!!!! Just my hugest pet peeve.

THAT'S IT. Not a bad list at all. I suppose if you fit all these conditions you can inbox me on facebook or comment below ;)

SN: Brandon (my cousin) came over last night, fixed computer and shower curtain. And I made him corn on the cob & BLTs for dinner. That kid is awesome, and things are looking up.

No good, very bad day!

Here I am in Chemistry class. Day started out kinda icky. Woke up at 5, and the dog's chain was kinda suffocating my boobs. I was sleeping in mom's bed and because Autism spent the night Ted (the dog) had to be chained to the bed. So FINE, WHATEVER. Wake up early, go pee, move to front room couch, fall back asleep. Wake up at 630 (30 mins late) take shower, leave at 715. STARVING. go to Burger king. THEY TAKE FOREVER BC THEY ARE RETARDED. fine whatever. DRIVE 80 to school (speed limit is 65) Make it in class with 10 minutes to spare. THANK GOD. So turn on computer, start assesment. Not done, computer freezes. WHAT THE FRACK. Restart, firefox won't open. That happens a lot so I restart again. BLUE SCREEN. ahhhhh fuck!!! So I grab shitty ass Injun Skillz comp and finish assessment. Now my computer has a busted USB port and is not functioning. GOD DAMNIT. My day is HORRIBLE and it's not even nine o'clock yet. fml

The National Weather Service of the Quad Cities has issued a flash flood warning

So here I am, at my mom's house in the boring ass town of FF. UGH! I honestly can not stand Fairfield. There's nothing to do but drive around and harass the Maharashi. But once you're out of high school it isn't as fun. I honestly will never be living here again. Sure I come down and spend the night on Tuesdays so I don't have as far to drive to be here for my 8 am chemistry class in Ottumwa. But besides the point, I absolutely hate Fairfield. Cedar Rapids was okay. Des Moines is AWESOME. So much to do, and everyone is way nicer!

Anyway, it's storming outside, PERFECT for sleeping. Which I should be doing fairly shortly, seeing as I have to start my day at the crack of dawn at 6 am. YUCK. Definitely am not a morning person. I'll get up, take a shower, pack my car, and head off for Ottumwa at 715. Then I have a test and more chemistry homework, and a lab! SHIT. I forgot to print my graph. I need to install my printer! I have to find my discs!! CRAP!!! Anyway. After class I'll drive back to Des Moines. YAY! Then I work Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Wewt. Probably not going out at all this weekend because I work all evening shifts. Oh well, the roommate will be in California so I'll have the whole apartment to share with the beast. Oh..the beast is his dog Maddie. She's a little poodle shi tzu mix.

Anyway I better go print my stuff off. Goodnight <3

Heave the silver hollow sliver, piercing through another victim

The title of this post comes from the song "Wasteland" by 10 Years. Found it on my "Revis" channel on Pandora. Definitely a good song. Check it out.

Anywho, 1 am, and I am awake. Played Minecraft, played Sims 3. Bored. Tired. Can't sleep. Don't want to do homework. I already did a bit of it. I really miss having internet. I miss playing Black Ops, even if it was a shitty game. Most of all, I miss all my friends from xbox. Sure they aren't face to face friends, but atleast I could count on them. I've been trying the having friends in real life thing, and it's not going too well. Last week I made plans with two different people and both of them stood me up. I have the hugest crush on one of them. We were going to go swimming in my pool but he never showed up, never texted to say he wasn't coming or anything. I sat in my swimsuit in my apartment for 4 hours waiting for him. Needless to say I was pretty devastated. I stood him up before, so I guess I was getting a taste of my own medicine. But my reason was legit, and I atleast told him. He lives here, and at the time I lived in Cedar Rapids. I also had a raging hangover that day. But atleast I told him I wasn't coming. He didn't say anything or even apologize. He only seems to like me when he needs something, which is kinda weird. Whatever..maybe I'm just that desperate for friends that I don't really care anymore. *Sigh* I'm no good at this real life friend stuff. I mean how in the heck do you even meet people? Sure, I've met a handful of friends through my roomie, but I like having my own friends to bring around too. I can't share everything. I need things/friends of my own.

Another shitty thing? My love life. I seem to pick all the wrong guys, or find the right ones and then push them away. This whole singleness stuff is lonely and I hate it. All I want is a steady boyfriend that will treat me with respect, pay for his own shit, and not cheat on me. Actually there's a lot more on my list of wants..but I'll save it for another post.

Speaking of the roomie (yeah awhile ago..what can I say? scattered thoughts!), we went out apartment hunting tonight. Our management SUCKS. I know I just moved in, but our lease is up in August, so we're moving at the end of them. There are these super nice apartments in Grimes that I'm kind of set on. Hopefully we can move there! They aren't too far from my work, and they're really nice!

Welp, I think that's all for now..I think......

and the reason is you...

Aww yeah! New blog, let's start this ish off right! My name is Kendra, but I go by Bubblesishness, or Bubbles for short. 22. College student. Slave to Target (yeah the red bullseye..). Des Moines, Iowa's newest resident. So why am I blogging? Honestly I have no idea. My former roommate and cousin moved to Florida a few weeks ago and started a blog, and suggested I did the same, so here we are.

So where do I even begin? Hmm, some FAQ about me might do the trick:

• Why "Bubbles"?
• I'm a HUGE video gamer, and Bubblesishness is my gamertag/screenname for everything. It started in middle school when I played checkers on yahoo with a group of girls. We all changed our names to something-ishness. I was Bubbles because I'm just a bubbly person..usually.

• Why are you almost 23 and still working on your associates? And why chemistry? That won't get you anything!
  • Because a lot of stuff happened straight out of high school. My parents marriage fell to pieces, and to avoid the problem I moved in with a guy that loved me. We got engaged. Parents got divorced. Dad died. Then my engagement fell apart when I was 20. So I moved back in with my mom and started college then. After a year I decided I wanted to move to Savannah, GA so I did. I failed Calc. The school there didn't see me as a person, they honestly didn't care. It was so overcrowded I couldn't even get into classes for second semester. So after my year lease was up I moved back home to Fairfield. Then I moved in with my cousin in Cedar Rapids, IA for 6 months. Then like I said she move to Florida, and I moved in with my friend from elementary school, Adam, in Des Moines. I started school again, and at the end of May, I WILL have my associates of science in Chemistry. Hopefully I can get into pharmacy school. But we will see. If not, I don't know. Maybe I'll get my bach in chemsistry? We're kinda just playing it by ear.
   
• What is with all these weird references and your blog name?
  • I play video games,  A LOT. It's a massive hobby. Respawn is when basically you die, and come back again. So I moved, and got a life. Get it? Any other references you don't understand..google them or ask me. I'll be happy to explain.
  
  I suppose that is all for now!
  <3 Bubbles